Tag: funny

Kill them. This is the quickest and most effective method for making your kids stop fighting. Just prop up their dead bodies to look like they are playing nicely in their room–maybe a nice board game. (Just kidding, this option was suggested by my 8 year old, Lucy)

1. Chores! This is my favorite go to punishment to get quick results. Here’s how I execute this method. First, I hear the kids fighting…I wait to see if they will settle it by themselves. Usually, Ricky (9) will quietly do something to get under Lucy’s skin. Then Lucy SCREAMS. When I hear that scream, I announce that chore time has commenced. For every protest, rude remark, and back talk I add another chore. I’m like DJ Kahled:
2. Separate them. Make them get far, far away from one another until they are begging you to let them play together again. Distance makes the heart grow fonder.
3. Trick them into loving each other. Warning: THIS METHOD MAY CAUSE EMOTIONAL TRAUMA, USE AT YOUR OWN RISK. If you really want to make your kids realize how much they love each other, convince each child that the other one is dying. After you get them all worked up, pull the rug out from under them. Then- rub it in their face that they were actually sad and they do, in fact, love each other. (side note: if your child shows no emotion regarding the imminent demise of their sibling, they may be riddled with demons–in which case you should call an exorcist. )
4. Make them hold hands ( or some other kind of awkward closeness like a “get along shirt”) This probably works better on little ones who are not old enough to do chores.
5. Seriously, make them do chores. By the time they finally stop arguing with you and have racked up a whole list of chores, your house will be clean– PLUS: you get to watch whatever you want in the living room because they are busy doing chores!

If your children are old enough to work, but still young enough to be scared of you, take ’em for all they’ve got! One day it won’t be so easy!